New Beginning

Today marks the dawn of a new personal era, and I feel like being dramatic about it. Down with the reign of Peter Pan in Never, Neverland!

Wendy is a grown-up now, and she can finally tell her story.

A little context if you didn’t read my last post: I found a way to tell the most important story of my life. It all began by recognizing that the boy I’ve been in love with for fifteen years chose to never grow up. He is honestly afraid of getting old.

We once had a conversation during college about what we consider to be the prime of life. His opinion? 26 years old, and then everything goes downhill after that. I thought that was WAY too young. My opinion was, and still is, that 50 is the ideal age (hopefully before the body begins to really break down and after acquiring years of wisdom).

No wonder he doesn’t want to get any older.

He and I could not have a more different approach to the passage of time. I see everything as an opportunity to learn, change, and take on new challenges. I want to be a life-long learner. And, well, I’ve watched him hang back as much as he can. It’s such a shame because I know him, and I know how smart he is.

That’s why I have to call him Peter Pan. It’s such a powerful thing to be able to finally put a name to the problem after 7 years of wondering why we weren’t continuing to grow up together. I’ve been missing my partner in crime for a long time. He used to be my closest friend when we were young, and now we could not be more distant.

But back to the dawn of a new personal era.

There is so much relief in my heart, and healing from the pain of being torn apart inside is finally possible. It wasn’t my fault for facing adult changes head on and charging into fray. I’m a steady fighter, and I know that if I can’t solve something right away, I should sleep on it and try again tomorrow. I don’t think or act like a girl anymore, even as I recognize the continuity between my past and my present.

I’m in the process of becoming whole again, by satisfying the little girl inside with the answer to her deepest question and by giving my grown up self the chance to start anew. I’m not as complicated as I thought I was.

I was broken apart into pieces, and now the puzzle has been put back together again. 

I thank God that this was finally possible.

Also, I’m ready to write under my real name. Before, I hid behind the pseudonyms of “June Skye” and “Wendy Darling.”

But now I’m ready to be myself.

–Lisa Kristine–

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